Introspective Discoveries
My buddy at teleFNORD wrote an entry titled Introspection on introspection and it sparked me to recall times of introspection. It seems to me there are people who are naturally introspective, those that choose to take time to practice introspection on occasion, and those who find it a foreign concept. I for one am an introspective individual prone to pondering what makes me tick. I have met and befriended others who are also introspective and we seem to have some things in common. Each of us have been filled with knowledge, wisdom, insight, and a great reliance upon our intellect.
What has struck me about my times of introspection is the very nature of the activity. I find myself pondering "Why?", regarding my actions, my feelings, my inclinations, my thoughts, et cetera. Introspection breeds a self-knowledge that can also breed an arrogance about fully knowing oneself. I have spent many years sorting, filtering, and figuring myself out that in the last few years I have had the attitude that I nearly know everything there is to know about myself. I have this funny feeling that because I am no longer growing through adolescence that I know what I will do, how I will feel, and can predict it. Yet I puzzlingly find that I still have much to learn about myself. And here is the odd crux of the whole thing: why do I not know myself?
It strikes me as amazingly odd that I could be ignorant of my own self. I have long held the belief that I am the best expert on my behaviour, my motives, my mental makeup, everything. Yet to find some things about me that still puzzle me, puzzles me. With my introspection has come a self-confidence, yet that is shaken every time I do, think, or feel something I cannot explain. It is perhaps the most perplexing thing to me to remain yet ignorant of myself, for I thought I owned me. I thought I was in charge of myself, fully disclosed to myself, and in full control of myself. How could it not be otherwise? How could one live and not know who they are?
Yet I must back up and acknowledge I did not create myself. I had no part in making the body I have, nor the mind I employ, nor the soul which lives. I was given life by God, and then the discoveries began. Babies have to discover many things, things I take for granted. Part of life is discovering how to live, how to function, and how each of us was created. When I can remember this I can relax about my ignorance. If I knew everything about myself I would probably partially omniscient, and that would not do.
None of us are the best expert for ourselves. The Creator is the best. We might come in second place, but we still are not the best. Perhaps introspection should be conducted with this reminder. Perhaps we need to recall that only God knows us fully and we should not obsess about learning something we are not able to just yet. Introspection yields much fruit, but I try not to get too caught up in it anymore, but nothing stops me from puzzling out me.
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Very nice....my thoughts exactly!