Today is an anniversary I would like to forget. I have spent a few days thinking about that event and its impact upon our life (yes, life, not lives, as a marriage is in many ways only one life lived by two people but simultaneously). A year has passed, and I will be absolved of my non-compete agreement, though that has always been meaningless as I never intended to compete. That one event has been the source for much strife in our marriage.
The first few days were hard. I was crushed and in disbelief. I was very worried about our house, I had no idea what would happen, and I certainly had no clue when I would find a job and what I would do. Eventually I mustered up some hope as I found some promising job offers, and that hope caused me to put off filing for unemployment. I gave up on that and filed, which was a good idea, because nearly six months later, at only my second interview, I got a job, but it was part-time.
A part-time job is better than no job, but since it does not completely pay the bills it can lead to a false sense of security. During my unemployment I managed to find a job offer that my wife applied for and got, increasing her hours to nearly full-time between two jobs. With my part-time job things were looking up emotionally, but the bank account was still dwindling down, and we were spending more than we were making, after cutting out all our luxuries and fun budget. In short, life sucked.
There was promise in the wings of a full-time position for me with my company, but before it happened we went into debt. My family lent us some money, and our bank was happy to let us leave a balance on our credit card; the culprit was our cars. Our cars needed servicing, new tires, oil changes, and mine was doing 100 miles a day eating up gas. All at once we were hit with bills we could not ignore, as without a car I would be without a job. We are only now recovering from that and a few other unexpected but necessary costs.
One year later and we have not recovered. We are about to climb out of debt with our family (some of whom wrongly but kindly claim there is no debt) but our savings is still gone. It will take a few more months to build that back up and resume the stalled projects on our house. I had no idea that one little event would have such a lasting impact. It will be perhaps a year and a half before we are at the same place we were when I was laid off. In the grand scheme of things it will not amount to anything worth mentioning, but we were and are planning a family.
My thirtieth birthday is looming, its presence beginning to make itself known. I have always wanted to start my family before I turn thirty; I don’t want to be an old man when my children graduate college, and more than that I don’t want to be too old and tired to play ball with my boys (or girls). A year is a long time to wait to start a family, when a silly little deadline of mine refuses to move. This is the real reason for my anguish, my gnashing of teeth, and my quiet rage. We were saving and being financially responsible to prepare us for children, then were plummeted into the depths of unemployment.
As with many things in life this was out of my control. I was not fired, but laid off. There was nothing I could have done. I have accepted it as I have accepted all other events out of my control, resigning myself to God’s will. If my past experiences are any indication of the future good will come of this still.