Balancing a Disk

The area I am struggling the most with is the “myself” piece. I cannot say I have the rest figured out, or in balance, but they are not as out of control as my own time is. Another reason I choose a disk metaphor is how each piece relates to the others. If the disk is a plate, and each section is a compartment on that plate, then the tasks in my life are added to the correct compartment. When one overflows it will cause the balance point to shift, and when that happens more time (the needle upon which the disk is balanced) is allocated to the overloaded area and the others in turn begin to overload; soon a game of Overload Control is at hand and something else beings to happen: the plate begins to crack and break.

So while I say the “myself” piece is needing the most attention because it is the most out of control area, what I am acknowledging is my lack of personal time is creating dangerous unbalance in my life, and if I overcompensate to correct it I'll be managing overload until my life falls apart and I have to pick up the pieces and forge another disk. By spending more time on myself I will probably spend less time with my wife, or working on the house, or with our kitties. While some can accept sacrifice, others might not be a good idea, and that is where the dangerous dance begins.

When I married my lovely wife I took a solemn vow, before God, that I would love her. Oh if we only knew the full extend of those binding words, for to love someone is a vast and difficult task. Loving a person is in itself yet another (but different) balancing act. I made no such promises about caring for myself, and yet if I suffer my wife also suffers, so some small part of loving my wife is ensuring I do not fall into a state of “disrepair”. This is almost circular logic, but it spirals, not connecting with the same point, for you see, I cannot devote all my time to myself, nor to my wife, but I can spend some time with her and some on myself and all will be well, and that is the challenge I am trying to meet.

Today was a gift from my wife. She recognized I am coming apart at the seams and she determined (and told me) that I was to have a relaxing day. She only wanted me to help her with the dishes and I would be free of any duties, regardless of how tall the grass has grown. On top of this she went out and rented a game for me to play, and play I did. I played like I have not played in years, neglecting everything and enjoying the game. The result is obvious, I have the mental freedom and energy to write, not only this entry, but also a good story for Promethean Logophile. I feel able to tackle my list of projects, both personal and family.

I don't know when I will get the hang of this balancing act. I suspect it will be something I will work on my entire life, as the loads in each section will constantly be shifting, and I will probably be adding sections to my disk further exacerbating the task.