The Morning Person
"And here we come to the infamous and insufferable Morning Person," the Bestiary Instructor intoned. "It takes its name by waking up early in the morning, and is quite cheerful about it. The Morning Person has its most productive period in the morning, and is usually seen to be admiring the sunrise. Consider the eyes, for the eyes will give them away. They are wide open; they sparkle with anticipation; they betray no hint of slumber or lethargy.
"Be not confused by its impostor, the Caffeine Fiend, who pretends to be a Morning Person but must first partake of a particularly nasty drug. The Caffeine Fiend's eyes will be dull and barely open after just awaking, but he will otherwise be up at the same time as the Morning Person. After the drug has taken hold of their body they too will seem cheery, but 'tis a mask, for many who have attempted to charm a Caffeine Fiend discovered a short temper when kept from their drug.
"Take note my precious Night Owls, for both will entice and tempt you to become one of them. The Morning Person is insidious, wishing everyone to join their numbers and be just like them. But they are short sighted. They can never create a Morning Person, all they ever achieve is the tortured Caffeine Fiend. Yes my little ones, the Caffeine Fiend is a twisted creation of the Morning Person. Drawn into the Siren song of the Morning Person many a Night Owl has succumbed to the drug and now lives a half-life.
"Be warned my pupils. Know thyself."
I have never been able to stand Morning People, especially in the mornings. They are always chipper and cheery, which I can attempt to ignore or combat with a scowl and some harsh words. What I really don't understand is why they insist on proselytizing. I have never yet met or heard of a night owl who tried to convince others they need to stay up late to enjoy the quiet pleasures and pursuits of the calm and still night. It seems every morning person I run into has to tell me how wonderful the sunrise is, and how all my problems will be solved if I go to bed early and get up early. I'm nearly convinced all that cold morning air has damaged their brains to think such utter nonsense.
If Night Owls have any natural enemies it is most assuredly the Morning Person. They seem to run our society, dictating what time we should be at work, what time Church should start, and many other points in life which make me want nothing more than to see them suffer a week of all-nighters. The joy I would have of introducing a Morning Person to my domain, and forcing their eyes open, keeping them awake with their caffeinated beverages. Revenge will never happen, but if one more person greets me loudly in the morning I shall invoke as many curses as I can think of, all in accordance with Proverbs.
P.S. Contrary to what you might think, I have not been directly disturbed by a Morning Person in many years. This is a mere warning to all who will come in the future, and who's early morning eyes are too clouded by optimism to see I am their dark counterpart and should not be provoked.
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