I Miss Making Music
I can almost hear my parents tell me “I told you so”. It's not too uncommon to have people regret giving up music lessons, I however am not one of them, and yet I still say I miss making music. I took violin lessons; I played some American folk/fiddle music and the majority of my work was all classical or baroque. There was a short time I was in an orchestra, but I preferred the solo pieces as they were more interesting and challenging to play. It will make my parents happy for me to say that I do not regret taking lessons, in fact I think it helped me. The calluses are gone, and I am more familiar with Greek than sheet music, but I am intimately familiar with music. I know tone, pitch, tempo, and scales, and this has, I think, helped me in my other musical adventures, and these are what I miss.
There was a time when I was in a band. It was a great time. I still don't recall how it happened. I grew up playing the violin and singing along with “professional” music, nothing more. Sure I would bang on things, but what guy doesn't? Looking back upon my memories all I see is a younger version of myself standing before crowds singing with a passion that brought forth at least one standing ovation, and a stirring deep within me, a stirring that must have been an awakening. When I wasn't singing a lead solo I was drumming, actually drumming with real instruments. I was, and am, a rookie, an amateur, but I was allowed to perform and I was happy (if nervous).
I don't miss performing; I've never liked performing. It's not the nerves, I got over that as a child playing my violin all over the place to faceless masses, now only a blurred blob to my fading memories. I miss making music. I miss the intimate setting, just your band members whom you've grown close to, and playing music because you love it. I miss the raw passion and power I could call forth in such times. I miss singing with all my heart because I want to, because I love it, because it is beautiful to me. Slightly less I miss playing the drums for the same reason, but singing, that is something I can do with a passion I daresay no one would recognize, and maybe that is why I miss it so much; a hermited part of me wants to be seen once more, just once, for a little while.
On the way home tonight I put on some music I had not listened to for a while and sang with it. Not all of the notes were in my range, but I sang with as much heart as I could. I'm glad no one could hear me, and I don't care if anyone could see me, but now I miss making music.
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