A Child Can Change Everything

The family is in shock, and not just the immediate family, but cousins as well. Everyone in the family has a warm spot in their hearts for my brother-in-law, so it's not like he's a black sheep in the family; in truth this is, in all likelihood, an "accident" (inasmuch as any pregnancy can be an accident). The difficulty the family now faces is the public shame and disgrace this brings down upon the good family name and reputation. Not only that, but now the family has some uncomfortable questions about marriage, holidays, and the well being of this poor child. This one announcement, a single moment of logic-numbing passion and its consequence, has revealed a larger web of interconnectedness.

This also brings to light a difficult moral position, for now the world-at-large has been made aware of what was a private (set of) sin(s). The family is by-and-large a religious family, holding to a view that fornication is a sin, and a bastard is an everlasting sign of what has traditionally been a grievous sin. But this is an "enlightened" era, in which our society has de-emphasized the wrongness of sex outside of marriage, and thus we have the quandary; for on the one hand the family feels responsible to God to act in a responsible way, not diminishing the nature of the sin, but on the other hand has a society around them which fights against any and all such moralizing.

And so here I sit, with less than eight months to prepare myself to be an uncle to what could be an unwanted child, who might be born to a mother and a father, or just a mother, who might know his or her family, or who might be carted off to some corner of the globe, and I am at a loss as to what this means in regards to my relationship with my brother-in-law. While we can all make the silly assumption that a man and a woman living together outside of marriage will keep to their own private bedrooms, and thus keep peace at holy holidays, a sin made public can no longer be ignored without implicitly approving.

So how does one express disapproval to a family member and not make a mistake? What does a father say to his son or daughter caught in this situation (God forbid it should happen to me)? What does a sister say to her brother? What does an ex-pastor of a brother-in-law say and/or do?

This is a sin, and like all others save one, this is not unpardonable. But like many other sins, forgiveness can only be wrought when it is sought and asked for. Repentance, contriteness, and confession are the usual methods, but how does one repent from siring a son outside of wedlock?