Entries tagged with “Creativity” from Chilling Words
For the past couple of months I've been coming home too tired to embroil myself in any of my non-sedentary hobbies. It's been most aggravating to me, and quite frightening. I didn't want to think I was perhaps coming down with something, or perhaps dealing with a bout of depression again. I think I might have found the cause of it last night; I had an epiphany while talking with my wife last night: my lethargy is due to my inactivity at work.
I have been engaged in creative projects for the last few weeks, one I have mentioned, one I started this weekend. On some levels I feel I must be out of my mind because that puts my total ongoing projects at three (this blog being the third), and they all require the same type of mental energy, and considerable time. I have been pondering and wondering what brought me to work on all these things simultaneously, lowering my chances of "completing" any single one of them. I still ponder this but I have come up with a couple of reasons.
I have not been the first, nor do I think I shall be the last, to look at the field of computer programming as an art form instead of a pure science. There is science to programming, and I daresay the better the science the better the program, but there are those of us that also consider it an art, and when done right the code can be a thing of beauty. I fear for this attitude of mine, for I have already encountered it in other areas of my life, to my pain, and now I can clearly see it in yet another area. Art is subjective, art is personal, art may even be selfish, and good artists seem to live poor and destitute lives.
From time-to-time I find myself with a desire to create something. I have this innate desire to craft something with my own two hands that I can be proud of. Something I can leave behind. Something I can point to and proclaim that I accomplished something with my time (my "free" time that is). The tragedy in all this is my lack of any talent or ability to craft anything. The closest I have ever come to a craft has been writing, but I have been suffering from writer's block for the last decade (more really).
So tonight I had that urge to do something that would be creative. Even something small. Something that would engage my imagination. Once again I hit a block and have failed. My evening was almost entirely frittered away, and nothing has been done to show for it. This bothers me even more because the pressure to create has been building, and coming to a head tonight has done no good, for nothing came of it. The worst of it is I had a glimmer of an idea but I really wanted to spend time with my wife, and the idea was not one easily shared and partnered, after all I find it hard to write a story with another person (joint authors).
So I close this day somewhat depressed and disappointed, as I do not have anything to show for my time spent.
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